National Coming Out Day

Today, on National Coming Out Day, I thank all my lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, questioning, intersex, and asexual friends for being vocal and inspiring. For those of use who are close to centerline heteronormatively speaking, yet are sick to the teeth of being expected to (and universally dumped on for failing to) “be the man” or “act like a lady”, you have paved the way.

I will never be tall, or athletic, or physically aggressive, or enthusiastic about sports, or dominating in my business or personal relationships, or competitive beyond the minimum requirements to elbow out for myself some breathing space and minimal survival requirements. I will never act like some testosterone-drenched, sex-crazed goon — not that there’s anything wrong with that. But I will say that if you wait around expecting me to “be the man”, to be the “screw the other guy” businessthug, the breadwinner extraordinaire, the knight in shining armor, the sweep-you-off-your-feet-and-treat-you-like-a-lady romantic … be prepared to wait forever. You will be disappointed. And I will resent you for acting disappointed with me after I’ve given you everything I can that wasn’t good enough and for not being able to puzzle out who I really am.

The only success I have ever had has been by playing to my strengths — I do not make a secret of what those are — and by sharing those strengths as generously as possible with my friends and family and business partners/coworkers in hope (but not in requirement) of similar generosity.

Without a number of the various tolerance and civil rights movements, I would be allowed no self-esteem at all, living in strife with the socially elevated adherents to the accepted standards of “manliness” and forever forced to keep fresh on strategies to avoid getting beaten up for my lunch money. There’s still a bit of that and it sucks and I hate that sometimes I feel forced to cross personal ethical lines to defend what’s mine, but I appreciate what progress there is and give credit to those who have literally given their lives to make things easier for everyone.

Thanks to you all.


October 11, 2010 · by xalieri · Posted in Everything Else  


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