September 25, 2006 · Posted in Everything Else  

This is the entire 5-year run of my TwoHeadedCat column, “Tales from the Third Lobe”. Or perhaps I should say, Tales from the Third Lobe, as it’s more than 135,000 words.

Buy your ticket, get your money’s worthWho the fuck killed Cain?Man, That’s GrapefruitWelcome to the MasqueradeDr. Leon Cass, MD, PhD, is a Punk Ass Bitch!WishingVampire Slaying for the Postmodern GothLiving in Fear of the Deep Fried MonocultureThe Importance of Temptation, by Yours Truly, Agent of SatanThe Pimp of the PerversePerspectiveCharnel House MeditationsArgument in Favor of the Existence of Legendary CreaturesOn Not Blowing Shit UpOne Person CAN Change the WorldThe International House of Blasphemy (An Equal Opportunity Offender)Ascension Made EasyEarth Day and the New Log RideKiddie Poon and the Arc of the CovenantTastes Like ChickenSnake-Oil Dispenser (Batteries Not Included)Still Life, With FootnotesThe Up-Down-Top-Bottom-Strange-Charm Red-Green-Blue Quark-Antiquark-BluesMore NoiseMillionth Monkey MarchDO U WAN2 CYBER?!?CONFESS-O-MATVidicon Interviews the Ghost of Dick Cheney’s Dead ConscienceHow’s the Water?NightfallThey Call Me Smoking Boots, Part 1SalamaunderingThey Call Me Smoking Boots, Part IIHow To Be a Shit: A Roadmap for the UnimaginativeStag-Nation (Part 1 of ??)Death for the MusesThe Tenebrati4%In Fear of the Fourth ReichThis Is Your Father’s OldsmobileThe HearingHollowQnA #16Bomb Threat DayWaving from the Bottom of the AbyssRecipes for DisasterA Scorching Case of Public InterestEmbrace the MadnessNight of the Living TelevisionMeanwhile, Back in the Lab…Owed to Apathy and IgnoranceFifty out of Fifty-OneObscenity DefinedIt’s that little punching-bag thing in the back of your mouth.Writing for a Living Versus Black Market Organ HarvestingAs Sure As the Sun Will Rise TomorrowThe Socio-Linguistics of Certain Words that Begin with the Letter “M”Why People Kill One AnotherPetty with a PistolSoylent Green is PeepholeStill Life with WoodchuckToday’s article written by Billy, age 8Death, death, death, death, and death. In that order.Vampire Slaying for the Postmodern Goth, RevisitedThe Universe Next DoorThis note will change your life.Movie NightThe REAL War on TerrorThe Elfland Invasion, or Dr. Atkins Is Dead and I Don’t Feel So Well MyselfKing of the RoadZen and the Artemia nyosNo, Not DubuqueTUESDAY! TUESDAY! TUESDAY!Too Early for the Endgame?Coming Soon: Anything-Can-Happen Day!The Death of Speculation?Won’t you guess my name?All Dressed Up (And These Heels Are Killing Me)Close Shave Ahead?Spotted DickRelatavistic RelativismFact Versus Fiction and the Chimera of SentienceJoin the Majority of OnePortrait of the Artist Wearing a Bib at the Dissection TableThat’s LifeChanging the World Without the Use of High ExplosivesLupercaliflagellisticexpiatatrociousIn Search of the Higgs BisonTar HeadThis time the woodshed visits youKennelly-Heaviside PrayerIn Pursuit of the Drepung Loseling Marching BandPersistence of Identity(SELL OUT ARTICLE) Hawk vs. Dove, with a side of CrudeWhy We Hate ClownsThe Smoke of the BurningWormwood and CricketsIs There A Dog?Who the hell is Valerie Plame and why should I care?October CountryTitle TrackNetwork of Holes, Diet of Poison, Monster of LoveDoom with a ViewVidicon’s Cable Guide to the AfterlifeDid You Feel It?UnprintableThe Silverback TransformationWhere I am nowHold On A Second…Show Me The WayMr. Toad’s Wild RideSonata for Lard-Ass and Television in Bacon MinorThe Fortunate OnesA Sutter Home CompanionToday’s article written by Vidicon’s dog Bacon, age 8You Make Me SickElf Shot the FoodStill-Life Parable, With MoralCastles in the SandNo boom today. Boom tomorrow.Quidnam Est Vester Patris: A ReviewWorshipers of the Goddess ReasonWhat’s That Smell?More Than Less Than HumanThe Empress’s New Boots: A parable for older childrenThe Memory Trick

Contact me for reprint rights should any of these suit any insidious purposes you might have.


September 19, 2006 · Posted in Everything Else